Man Vs. Bird... Terror on the Homefront

While the account of the following story is based on factual events, the names of the innocent have been changed to protect them from embarrassment.

It was a typical cool December evening for “Scooter” at his home that night. He had just taken his son, “Scooter, Jr.”, downstairs to put him to bed when he heard the rushed voice of his wife, “Tamara”. She came into the downstairs bedroom proclaiming, “THERE’S A BIRD FLYING AROUND THE HOUSE UPSTAIRS!!!!”  Now, Scooter, being the man of the house, knew he was the one who had to take action. However, never having faced this situation before, he was unsure of how to go about this. But he knew he had to take care of this situation as Tamara had taken refuge in the downstairs bedroom with Scooter Jr. and barricaded herself in there. Scooter knew he couldn’t return to the bedroom and settle in for a good nights sleep until this dilemma was resolved.

Scooter knew he wouldn’t be able to, or want to, catch this creature with his bare hands. So he grabbed the nearest weapon of opportunity before heading upstairs... a broom. Scooter didn’t want to hurt the magestic creature that was lurking upstairs, but he figured he could use the broom to “guide” the bird outside of the house. He opened the front door at the base of the stairs then precariously and slowly headed up the stairs to encounter the creature that was waiting for him.

As Scooter reached the top of the stairs, it came from out of nowhere... SWOOOSH! The creature made a death rush at him. Scooter ducked and instinctively held the broom up to protect himself. It was over in an instant, and Scooter could not tell what type of creature had flown past him, but he was quite sure it was a bird. Having narrowly avoided the creatures first pass, he  continued on to find this creature. As he made he way to the upstairs living room, he made eye contact with the creature, as is was perched on the ceiling fan. There was a tense standoff for a few seconds, neither one ready to make the next move.

Scooter approached the creature, broom raised at the ready.  At first the creature didn’t flinch, then suddenly it took off. It flew to the other end of the hallway, then turned and was heading straight back at Scooter. Once again, Scooter raised the broom in self defense. The creature then landed on a picture frame on the bookshelf that was holding a picture of Scooter’s family. There it sat, just hovering on top of the family, proclaiming its superiority over them. Scooter went after the creature, but it avoided his attempts to guide it down the stairwell and returned to its perch on top of the ceiling fan.

Scooter turned on the ceiling fan to prevent the creature from landing on it. Scooter also closed the downstairs door and opened a window in the upstairs living room hoping to lure the creature out the window to no avail as the window opening was low and the creature liked to fly around at ceiling level. At one point the creature still attempted to land on the moving ceiling fan and Scooter heard a thump. Scooter thought he had hurt the bird and went into the living room to look on the floor to see if the bird had been hurt. But after scouring the floor, he did not see the creature. When suddenly the creature made it’s second death rush at him. Apparently the bird wasn’t that injured after all. The back and forth continued for  another ten minutes before Scooter realized this approach wasn’t going to work. (Tamara would later recount hearing the footsteps back and forth as her husband was engaged in battle.)

Well, Scooter was a modern man. And what would a modern man do in a situation like this? He took refuge in the den and started searching the internet for ways to remove a bird from the house. The first article mentioned using a lacy curtain to snag the creature if you didn’t have a net. Scooter had neither a net nor a lacy curtain, so he grabbed the closet thing he could find... a bedsheet. Scooter went back to face the creature, holding a broom in one hand and a bedsheet in the other. As the creature flew towards him this time, he threw the bedsheet at the creature. However the creature was very nimble and avoided the makeshift net. This too went on for a short while. Everytime the bird flew, Scooter would try to snarl the bird only to fail. The “net” ended up in all sorts of places, down the stairwell, behind the TV, etc..

Scooter again took refuge in the den, and continued to search the internet. One article mention turning off all the lights to lure the bird out the window where there was light. But it was nighttime. When Scooter turned out the lights, the creature took on almost mythogical properties as it flew through the darkened house. Scooter abandonend this effort quickly and turned the lights back on.

Wondering how long this epic battle was going to continue, Scooter had a “bright” idea. There was a window in the upstairs bathroom that was high, at ceiling level. If he could just lure the creature into the bathroom, perhaps there was a chance the creature would finally find his escape and spare both of them. So Scooter turned on the light in the bathroom and opened the window. Scooter then turned off all the lights again, this time however, there was a little light from the bathroom that allowed Scooter to see the creature. After a couple chases, the creature took the bait and flew into the bathroom. Scooter had to muster all the agility and speed he had to get to the bathroom door and close it before the creature flew out of the small room. In a move that even Indiana Jones would have been proud of, Scooter managed to get the door closed.

Scooter then returned to the den to do more casual internet surfing, allowing the creature time to leave. Scooter knew he had to return to the bathroom to see if the creature had indeed left, but was still afraid the creature was just lurking, waiting for him to open the door so it could make another death lunge at him. Scooter took his bedsheet net and hung it from the top of the door so that if the creature was still there it would block his escape. Slowly he cracked the door, listening for any signs of flapping. Then he cracked the door a little more to where he could just see into the room. Nothing. Now he  had to enter the room to verify the creature had left. As he entered the room, he closed the door behind him. There would be no escape for the creature... or him. But alas, the room was empty, the creature had conceded defeat and left.

Scooter, having his manlyhood restored by defeating the creature, securely locked the window and straightened up the mess caused by the epic battle of Man Vs. Bird. He returned downstairs where Tamara and Scooter Jr. had been hiding and proclaimed his victory, settling in for a good nights sleep.

Zynga Has Killed the Computer Game

I don’t really remember exactly what the first computer game I ever played, but I’m quite certain it was one on the Radio Shack TSR-80 that my high school had obtained in the early 80‘s. As far as I remember, it was the only computer in the school. I remember a text based adventure where you simply typed in a command (such as “go north”, or “look around”) and the story unfolded based on your actions. I also remember a very primitive flight simulator. Just a few straight lines representing the runway and using the arrows to go up and down or left and right. Computer gaming was still in its infancy then.

In the mid to late 80‘s, I purchased an Atari 520/ST computer. Things had come along way in computer gaming already. While you still typed in commands on adventure games, the games now had graphics! And the flight simulators had graphics and the terrain was based on real terrain. In the early 90‘s, I purchased my first IBM compatible computer. (Now simply known as PC’s). Back then, IBM compatibles lagged far behind Atari and Amiga in terms of computer gaming, but they would eventually catch up and become the standard computer gaming format.

Throughout the 90‘s and into the 21st century, the games tended to get better. Better graphics, more depth, more options. With the popularity of the internet, games became more geared towards online gaming where you could play against “real” opponents as opposed to playing against the computer.

A few years ago, the creation and upsurge of facebook had an impact on computer gaming that I did not see coming. Facebook was set up as a social networking site. A place where you could stay connected with your family and friends. Facebook allowed others to create third party “applications” that users could use on their site. And thus companies like Zynga were born, creating “games” as applications. (O.K. ignore the fact that Zynga bought or stole all their game ideas from others.)

Many casual computer users who may have never played a computer game before, started playing these social networking games such as Zynga’s Farmville. (The most popular of online games) Farmville isn’t even really a game. I mean, all you do is move your mouse over a plot of land and click. Sure you can decorate you farm a little, but most of your stuff ends up in storage or your animals are crowded so tightly in a pen that I’m surprised the SCPA hasn’t stepped in yet! There is no way to “win” in Farmville, although you can lose real money playing it. There are no real goals except to obtain more stuff, to become a virtual hoarder.

But if people enjoy playing Farmville, what is wrong with that? The problem is Zynga has killed the computer game. There is such popularity and so much money to be obtained from these pointless games that any developer would be lured into making that type of game as opposed to a real game.

Some of you may remember the song “Video Killed the Radio Star”. A song from the Buggles back in 1979. The song describes a singer whose career is cut short by the introduction of television. A line from the lyrics of that song goes: “we can't rewind we've gone to far “, meaning that now that television was here, we can not go back to the days when radio was king. I fear this has happened to computer gaming. At least Zynga hasn't killed console gaming... yet.

The Mathematics of Genealogy

The mathematics of genealogy is not a concept I created, but I will explain it in my own words. This topic covers two subjects I find interesting, so it is only natural that I would find the subject of the mathematics of genealogy very interesting as well.

At this point in time, you are probably wondering what math has to do with genealogy. Let me explain. Everyone has two parents, their mother and father, right? Each of your parents has two parents of their own, thus you have 4 grandparents. (Still with me so far?) Thus the number of ancestors you have doubles with every generation. 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents, 16 great great grandparents, etc.

Now let's assume that a new generation is born every 25 years (this is a good estimate plus it helps make the math easier). So over the course of 1,000 years that would equal 40 generations (1,000/25= 40)

Now comes the hard part (and the mind boggling part). If we double the number of ancestors with every generation and if we go back 1,000 years, the number of direct ancestors everyone of us had is 1,099,511,627,776 ! (2n40= 1,099,511,627,776) That comes out to over 1 trillion ancestors! And that is only going back 1,000 years.

Currently (2010), the US Census Bureau estimates the worlds population at approximately 6.887 billion (6,887,000,000). So how is it possible to have over one trillion ancestors a thousand years ago when the current world population is around 6-7 billion? There is only one possible explanation I can come up with and that is that individuals have to fit into your family tree in more than one place... and many times over!

The Curse of Cleveland Sports...

On December 27, 1964, The Cleveland Browns won the NFL Championship by defeating Johnny Unitas and the Baltimore Colts 27-0. This was the last time the city of Cleveland has celebrated a major sporting championship. An astonishing 46 years has now passed since then without a title in football, baseball or basketball.

For me personally, my first disappointment came on January 4, 1981. During the 1980 season, I worked at Cleveland Municipal Stadium as a vendor. I worked 4 of the 8 home games that year and could have worked that playoff game against the Oakland Raiders, but with a temperature of 4° and a windchill of -36° I figured I wouldn't have made much money so I decided to watch the game on TV instead. With Cleveland trailing 12-14 at the end of the game and the Browns only needing a field goal to win, the Browns opted instead to try to get a touchdown and threw an interception in the end zone. I watched stunned in disbelief not being able to say anything. Any Browns fan can tell you, we now simply refer to this as Red Right 88.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Right_88) Although this was my first disappointment, it would be far from the last.

Any Browns fan can also tell you about "The Drive" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Drive) in the 1986 AFC Championship game, where John Elway lead the Denver Broncos 98 yards in the closing minutes tying the game and preventing Cleveland from it's first Superbowl. Or "The Fumble" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fumble) in the 1987 AFC Championship against the same Broncos, where Earnest Byner looked to score the tying touchdown only to fumble it at the 2 yard line, thus again ending another disappointment for Cleveland sports fans.

Sure, there have been some good Cleveland teams that almost made it. Perhaps the best (arguably) Cleveland pro sports team was the 1995 Cleveland Indians. The team won 100 out of 144 games that year, swept Boston in the first round, defeated Seattle in the ALCS only to fall short to the Atlanta Braves in the World Series.

Although the 1995 Indians might have been the best team, the closest Cleveland came to win a championship was in the 1997 World Series against the Florida Marlins. The 1997 Indians finished the regular season with a record of 86-75. They had an electric series against the New york Yankees in the first round when they overcame a 2 games to 1 deficit and beat the Yankees in the final 2 games of the best of five series. The ALCS was no less exciting as a homerun by unlikely hero, Tony Fernandez, in the 11th inning of game 6 broke a scoreless tie and propelled the Indians to their second World Series in three years. After splitting the first six games of the Series, it came down to a winner take all game 7. The Indians led 2-1 going into the bottom of the ninth with the years best closer in Jose Mesa on the mound. Only 3 outs away from winning the first title for the beleaguered city in 33 years. I could not even sit to watch the ninth inning. As you may know, the Indians gave up the tying run in the ninth and the winning run in the eleventh. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1997_World_Series) The Indians haven't made in back to the World Series in the 13 years since and do not look likely to go back in the foreseeable future.

And while pro basketball has only been a part of Cleveland since 1970, the disappointments are there too. There were great teams of the late 80's and early 90's that just could not get past Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls. In 1989, the Cavaliers were leading the Bulls in the deciding game of the series, 100-99 with 3 seconds left. What happened next is simply referred to as "The Shot" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Shot) as Jordan nailed the buzzer beater to end the Cavaliers season.

And while the Cavs made it to the NBA Finals, led by LeBron James, in 2007, the effects of  "The Decision" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Decision_%28LeBron_James%29#2010_free_agency) will linger in Cleveland folklore for many years to come.

While nothing I have wrote so far is news to any Cleveland sports fan, how, you may ask, can one city's teams have so much bad luck over such a long period of time? I can have only one conclusion to that answer. The city's sports franchises are cursed... by me! You see, I was born on December 29, 1964, less than 48 hours after the Browns won the NFL Championship. While many Cleveland sports fans have endured heartaches, none have suffered longer than me. I apologize to all my fellow Cleveland fans who have had to suffer due to my existence. I hope to live for many years to come and maybe, just maybe, two days after I die, Cleveland will again win another major sports championship.

Have You Ever Been to Cracker Barrel? Random Thoughts on Genealogy.

Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel? It doesn't matter what state you live in, they all look kind of the same. You walk by the rocking chairs on the outside then enter into their little store and then into the dining area with the fireplace (which is going on cold days). And they are all decorated basically the same way. There are old artifacts of yesteryear hanging on the walls. And if you look carefully you will notice old portraits hanging on the wall. But do you ever think about the people who's portraits are on the wall?

Some of these portraits may be 100 years old or perhaps even older. The people in the portraits have long since passed on and these portraits on the wall may be all that is left of the memory of their entire life on earth. Who is that man on the wall? Did he have a name? Certainly, but what is it? Did he have children? grandchildren? Perhaps, but who are they? And how did this portrait end up hanging on the wall of a modern day restaurant?

I'm sure originally, the portrait hung on the wall of the persons house. But what happened after they died? Did their children inherit the portrait? Perhaps, but what happened after their children too passed on? Was the portrait passed down to a grandchild? Perhaps, but somewhere along the way someone no longer wanted the portraits. Was it the great grandchildren who never really knew their great grandparents? I'm not sure, but somewhere along the way, these portraits were given away or perhaps sold to someone more interested in them as a nostalgic item rather than kept as a treasured family heirloom of a families heritage. And then they end up as nameless people on the walls of a restaurant.

Now don't get me wrong, I actually applaud Cracker Barrel for saving these portraits and displaying them. If not for them, what might have become of these priceless artifacts? I'm sure some (many) family portraits have ended up in a landfill somewhere. How do I know this? One of my distant cousins showed me portraits of what she thought were her grandparents when they were younger (she wasn't even sure!). She told me she found them in her mother's trash! She wasn't exactly sure who they were, but thought they should be saved. I remember when she took me down to her basement to show them to me. I instantly recognized them as my great grandparents, Fred and Marie Bey. Another of my cousins sent me some portraits of another of my great grandparents. She said she had been storing them in the attic for years and didn't know what to do with them and thought I might be interested in having them.

So think about life on earth 100 years from. All of you reading this now will no longer be here. What will your great grandchildren know of you? Maybe you think it's egotistical to think of that? O.K. then think of the people that meant something to you in your life. Your parents. Your grandparents. Maybe even that special aunt or uncle. Will you let their memory be forgotten? Will you toss out their portrait so that it may hang as a nameless person on the walls of a restaurant 100 years from now? Or will you tell your children and grandchildren stories of your parents and grandparents and then give them the pictures of them?

Some people think of genealogy as a bunch of names and dates in a chart, and to an extent, it is. But it should be more than that. It should be the memory of the lives of those that paved the way for all of us.

So the next time you go to Cracker Barrel, look around. Look at the portraits on the wall. Take just a moment to think about the people in these portraits. They were somebody's children, somebody's parents, somebody's grandparents. Maybe, just maybe they were even your grandparents grandparents.